Abuse can come in many forms such as emotional or psychological (where things may be said or done to put the other down), physical (for example hitting someone) and sexual (being forced into unwanted sexual activity). All types are just as detrimental and leave lasting impacts on people and unfortunately not speaking about it, especially in the South Asian culture can make it even harder to deal with.
Abuse can leave the victim feeling shamed and unworthy as it hurts them at their core. Any type of abuse can leave lasting effects on the person who has experienced it, and it should always be dealt with openly and without any judgement. It can make a person question themselves on whether they reacted the correct way, or even if they could have done anything to avoid it, even if it wasn’t as straightforward in reality. However, it is important to acknowledge that it is never anyone’s fault and it is very easy to miss the early signs or even know how to recognise it.
This is where building and developing a self-compassionate self can help make sure survivors are not being too hard on themselves and help them get through these tough times. If people find ways to leave the guilt and shame behind, which is so easy to pick up then it can go a long way for them to recover well and fast.
One way to do this is through therapy and with the help of a supportive counsellor, trust and safety in relationships can be experienced again. However, the support of family and friends also goes a long way in making sure people have spaces where they still experience positive regard and acceptance. Where their feelings are always valued and validated, as this helps them to find their inner strength to recover.
What is South Asian culture like?
South Asia is a place where there is a unique culture, usually including very traditional values, where it can feel harder to express vulnerability and deep emotions. Sometimes people can feel judged or feel they must come across a certain way to fit into society and this can put pressure on people to keep certain behaviours or experiences hidden.
Abuse becomes taboo to talk about and people end up feeling embarrassed and scared of being judged by others. However, this then enables the abuse to go on for longer, as they won’t turn to anyone for support. Both men and women can be expected to conform to rigid views traditionally of what they should be seen as by society. Men are frequently expected to be stoic and not express any emotions as this may be considered a weakness. Women are also expected to behave in a way that meets societal expectations such as being married and having kids by a certain age. This may make them more likely to be or stay in relationships they are unhappy in.
Effects of abuse
The effects of abuse can go deep, and this can really impact a person’s psyche that includes not only how they see themselves but also how they see others. They may not only lose trust from others, but they also lose trust from their own self about how they understand people, if they can keep themselves safe or not and this can deeply impact them. It can take a long time to regain this sense of trust, not only from others but to themselves again, however it can be done and people can recover and feel their strength again.
Often, at core, their self esteem and values will also be affected, and they will feel they have let themselves down in some way, even though it is not their fault at all. However, it can take a long time to not see this and almost feel like they have to forgive themselves for something that has left them feeling victimised. We need to change the narrative of victims and turn them in survivors, because that is what they are. Every experience, no matter how terrible or difficult can be used to gain something new out of and evolve into someone even stronger.
What can be done?
In general, ways to tackle this stigma is making a safe space for people to talk about whatever abuse they have experienced and making sure they feel okay to be vulnerable and show their true feelings and thoughts. This needs to be listened to and appreciated as it is so hard to share.
Only through open and honest conversation will we be educated on not only why abuse is wrong but also how it can impact others, as well as what signs we can look for in others that may be going through it. Through this openness and knowledge, we can empower each other to not only avoid it but also help others to come out of it. And finally through talking about it, people can leave the shackles of any shame or stigma that they may have felt initially.
Shame can impact people from speaking out as they worry what others may think of them or perhaps they may be seen differently. However, real strength comes from being able to talk about the difficult things and being able to go against whatever their expectations may be from society or friends and family.
That is the power of talking and being able to let go of any shame associated with it and not feeling victimised but empowered through whatever experiences one may come across. At the end of the day, each experience can be a valuable lesson to help us all grow and become an even better version of ourselves, who are stronger and more authentic. This is why it is so helpful in the long run to be open and talk about abuse, despite how hard it may seem.