Speaking about mental health with South-Asian parents or other relatives can feel overwhelming, even scary. Many people share that they worry about being misunderstood or even judged badly. Some worry that they might burden their parents, and this could negatively impact them. Sometimes we can feel guilty for bringing up topics that the older generations were taught to ignore or just carry on through. With compassion however, these conversations can become opportunities for deeper connection and healing.
One of the biggest barriers is the generational gap in how mental health is understood. Older generations may not have had the language for anxiety and depression or even stress. Even though they are common ailments that most people will experience in their lives, there is not a clear word for them in their mother tongue languages. Instead, emotional issues were often expressed through physical symptoms such as headaches or tiredness which made more sense to them.
This doesn’t mean that they didn’t care, but that they were raised in environments where they were more focused on getting through issues rather than understanding them. It was very common for parents and our older relatives to focus on work and more practical day to day tasks to help the household get by, especially when they were first settling into their lives in a new country. Recognising this difference can help us approach this conversation with empathy rather than annoyance.
As mentioned before, there is a real worry of being misunderstood or being judged as ‘mentally unwell’ which can still carry a stigma in Asian communities. When talking to older family members, they often share that these things were never spoken about, therefore if they encountered them, they never knew how to address it or deal with it. This is why education about mental health and how it can impact us is such an important conversation to have, even if it feels uncomfortable at first.
We must normalise working with this uncomfortable feeling and push through it by seeing challenging unhelpful thoughts as something that will help in the long run. Even if these conversations are difficult at first, stick with them and come back to them on a later day if it has been hard on the first chat. As easy as it is to leave this kind of issues in the background, they tend to get louder in their own way when ignored over time.
How to Talk to Family
When preparing to talk to parents or our elders, the timing and tone are essential. Choose a calm moment ideally when no one is already feeling stressed. Start the conversation gently perhaps by sharing that you’ve been feeling less like yourself or sad lately. Starting this way with emotions can make the conversation feel less threatening. Many parents may respond more openly when they recognise your feelings first, rather than language that feels more of a problem needing to be solved.
Sometimes, it can also help to speak of mental health as part of our overall wellbeing. For example, we could mention to our loved ones that just as we see a doctor for our physical health, seeing a counsellor is helpful for stress and improving our emotional health. This comparison can help bridge the gap between their understanding and yours. If your parents or elders value education or family responsibility, you can highlight how taking care of our mental health helps us to show up better in these areas.
Another useful strategy is to share some good examples. Instead of telling them you are feeling anxious, you can explain how it is affecting you in your daily routine, for example how it may be affecting your sleep or appetite during the day. These kinds of examples help our elders relate more easily, especially if they’ve had similar experiences but never named them as mental health concerns.
As we are aiming to change longstanding behaviours and views, patience is key. For some parents, this may be their first time seeing their child be emotionally vulnerable. They may respond with practical advice or concern initially. Try to see these reactions as part of their learning curve. Change takes time and your openness will help to plant the seeds for future conversations.
When things start to feel safer and more open, it becomes easier to also share what kind of support we need. This might be something as simple as saying how it helps when they listen. Many parents want to help but they just may not know how, and this is why this kind of conversation is so important to have and experiment with.
Conclusion
Talking about mental health with our elders isn’t always easy, but it can lead to deeper understanding and more deeper relationships. By approaching the conversation gently and with cultural awareness, we can make a safe space not just for ourselves but for our families to grow in their understanding of mental wellbeing too.
Just imagine the impact this will have not only for yourself, but for the future generations to come. How lovely would it be to have a future in which families can openly be authentic and be vulnerable with each other, making relationships feel deeper and strengthening existing support systems.
This is also such an important part of maintaining better psychological health, as having a good support system means we are not dealing with issues all alone when they arise, and instead we are able to ask for support and not feel ashamed of it. By talking about mental health issues, we are not only able to better understand them ourselves but also support those around us that may be suffering in silence. You can make a difference in taking that first step in changing the taboo surrounding mental health.