Relationship Difficulties
Relationships are essential to existence, shaping your inner and outer experiences from the moment you enter the world. While many of these connections may enrich your lives with meaning, others can be marked by confusion, pain and trauma, impacting well-being and your connection to yourself and others.
Early experiences lay the groundwork for the ability to self function in adulthood and the quality of your later relationships. Psychologically, we have a tendency to seek out and repeat what is familiar. This tendency can be problematic if your needs were not sufficiently met in childhood, however can be beneficial if you grew up in a warm, supportive household. When we lack consistent love and attention from primary caregivers, this develops unconscious thoughts and behaviours that impact how you form and maintain healthy attachments as an adult.
Conflict in relationships is not necessarily negative or the sign of an unhealthy relationship. If the conflict is healthy it can strengthen the relationship by improving communication and connection. However, when conflicts are unhealthy and fighting becomes habitual, it can feel like being stuck in a vicious cycle and be destructive to the relationship.
The four main destructive relationship behaviours are:
- Criticism – Using verbal attacks to belittle and demean the partner, often as a power or control tactic.
- Stonewalling – Engaging in silent treatment to rebel or against resolution by ignoring or sulking.
- Defensiveness – Avoiding accountability and shifting blame onto the partner.
- Contempt – Harbouring unshared negative emotions that turn into resentment.
It is crucial to discern whether a relationship fosters a healthy dynamic based on choice and mutual gratification or if it is characterised by neediness, unmet expectations, is one-sided, involves confusion, or a lack of honest communication. This awareness empowers us to cultivate relationships that nurture our growth and fulfilment.
Unhealthy relationships manifest differently for everyone, but there are common signs to watch for. Trust your instincts if you feel like something is wrong.
Here are some signs that you are in an unhealthy relationship:
- Psychological symptoms – feeling unloved and unworthy, distrusting your partner, feelings of loneliness and isolation, feeling misunderstood and unheard.
- Behavioural symptoms – bringing out the worst in each other, being controlled or controlling, criticism, constant judgement, avoiding or clinging behaviours, or physical, verbal, emotional and financial abuse.
- Physical symptoms – muscle tension around your partner, increased heart rate (due to fear), feeling unwell or disconnected.
How can therapy help?
If you recognise these signs in your relationship, seeking professional help can be beneficial. Therapy can offer insights into your patterns and behaviours, providing strategies for healthier interactions and helping you build stronger, more fulfilling relationships.
The therapeutic relationship is a powerful catalyst for self-understanding and growth. We help you explore your relationships with others and yourself, creating new attachment experiences and healthier patterns of relating.
Our goal is to provide the security and acceptance you may have lacked in the past, guiding you toward a deeper understanding of yourself. Through open communication, therapists guide you to build skills that support your life beyond therapy.