Being a South Asian woman is beautiful and an enriching experience, as it is a true enmesh between often growing up with a South Asian and a completely contrasting culture, such as that of the UK or USA. What results is a mix of eastern and western values and this shapes how individuals choose to live their life and the very decisions they make. However, it also brings up some big challenges that can also cause a lot of stress and confusion, as women try to work through them.
One of the first ways women can be affected as young girls is by pleasing people, which takes the form of keeping everyone happy and often putting themselves last. This can play a big role in their life and can include family members, partners and even children. Often women leave their own needs and wants unfulfilled as this can even be encouraged to show how selfless they are.
Part of this can come from the gender inequality that can arise in families and male children can be brought up differently to girls. They are often given more freedom of choice as to how they want to live their lives, whilst also being judged less harshly when choosing things that may be seen as negative. For example, this could be with drinking, where it is accepted for men, but women may still be shamed for it.
Shame really affects how people feel inside about themselves and can dim their very light that everyone has. This often leads to self-esteem issues, as women are often treated as less than, when it comes to men and this patriarchy influenced dynamic can take shape in families as well as relationships, with the women trying to keep the men happy and not receiving the same care or equality in return.
Patriarchy is defined as a system in which men frequently hold the power, but women are mainly excluded from it. This can leave women feeling powerless and this translates into low self-worth and confidence. Unfortunately, the effects of this can be devastating and filtrate into every aspect of life, such as work, personal, in friendships and relationships, where our own needs are shut down to please others.
Another area is marriage and settling down, when women can feel a lot of pressure to find someone and have kids by a certain age. If left afterwards, they are made to feel as though something is wrong or they may be veering down the wrong path. However, the pressure of this can lead women into settling or staying in relationships they are unhappy in. It takes a lot of courage to break free or go against traditions that women are usually told to uphold, and they may face a lot of prejudice and isolation as a result.
Sometimes the pressure of religious and caste discrimination can also add to stress and unhappiness. Women may be unable to marry partners from different castes or vice versa. Getting discriminated against for being Asian and of an ethnic background can also impact the opportunities they are given.
Then there is the pressure to succeed as sometimes to prove their worth, women will go the extra mile and push themselves to excel in their work, careers and education, as well as in their home roles such as being the dutiful daughter and wife. This need to win approval comes from not feeling as worthy and wanting to prove themselves, which they hope will lead to more love and acceptance. And this love is so important, as it is the ultimate form of acceptance for many people.
Sometimes, in South Asian families, there can be a lack of unconditional regard, which is only given when certain milestones are achieved. This varies in different families, for some it may be getting married and having children that will be the ultimate goal, for others it may be about achieving a career goal or becoming financially independent. However, there is an underlying feeling of knowing you will not be fully accepted as you are, if you do not meet these goals.
Also abuse brings further issues, as often South Asian women are not encouraged to speak up if they come across it. This can either be sexual, emotional or physical abuse and unfortunately can be common in South Asian families. When discussed with their families, there are cases where they can be encouraged to keep quiet due to the importance of keeping the family honour.
Dishonour can bring about a difficult pressure that is put on women to keep to cultural traditions and norms despite being brought up in the western culture too, and if they deviate from this it can be seen as a big negative and can even be punished severely. We have all heard about honour killings and the devastation they cause, and we can surely agree that there is no honour in killing at all.
What can be said is that every cloud has its silver lining and although these challenges are difficult to face, they often shape women into stronger and more resilient people. These very challenges help to show women how strong they can really be in testing times and when they overcome them, which they will, there is always something to gain.
These testing times always provide strong life lessons and help shape women’s futures and through recognising their strengths, they learn how to really take life by the reins and all without the approval and needing others to hold them along the way.
You often hear about women who have achieved great heights and potential in their life, and this is usually driven by the hard trials they have had to face and overcome in their lifetimes, often alone, however with a supporting hand and plenty of understanding and compassion, this journey can be made a lot easier. After the lightning and thunder, there will always be sunshine again.