Growing up many people were brought up with the notion that sharing personal issues outside the family was wrong. This was said to bring shame upon the family and to keep them happy, many would oblige. However, in the long run keeping things bottled up can have many effects. This blog explores why therapy can be such a hard tool for South Asians to embrace or if there are any stigmas still attached to it, and why this is. We will also look at if it is worth tackling this and how it can be overcome.
Although in recent years, more and more South Asians are opening up to therapy and understand the benefits it can offer, in the past therapy was seen as more of a negative due to its association with mental illness and how difficult things would be talked about rather than buried away and forgotten. The stigma that was attached to this meant many South Asians were not encouraged to seek help for mental health, however this is changing as more people are becoming educated on the importance of giving mental wellbeing as much consideration as their physical health.
There are many ways therapy helps such as giving a safe space to unpack whatever issues life has presented them with and get a chance to really feel and process the emotions that may be behind it. Talking about painful topics may seem difficult at first, however in the long run clients feel lighter as they learn to let go of previous negative thought systems that may have been holding them back. This can also help them in their self-confidence and esteem, which then equips them to also give back that positive energy to the people around them.
Counselling is also about developing a therapeutic relationship between the therapist and client and this can also be a very healing process, as the client can experience a secure attachment in which they can be fully authentic and vulnerable, and still be heard and have their feelings validated, which helps their sense of self. Often people come to therapy after experiencing difficulties in their relationships, whether it is with family, colleagues or their partners and this can cause a lot of emotional pain and turmoil. Frustrations can also build up which is why learning better coping techniques or ways to improve communication are key in building bonds again.
Shame and guilt
There is a lot of shame related to speaking up and being vulnerable, but it takes a lot of strength and courage to be able to do this. It is normal for it to feel difficult at first as many have grown up being told that talking about issues is shameful, however with more education and encouragement to face any problems head on, the shame that comes with vulnerability can be reduced. Over time, people also learn to own their narratives and it becomes something they feel they have control of rather than the other way round. This is also another way in which therapy can help people feel empowered as they learn to navigate previous obstacles and instead use their pain as a source of power, that can drive them in a positive way.
There is nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of as many people face difficulties in life and this is a normal part of the journey in life. The more you can face up to things, the more you will find yourself feeling stronger and able to keep moving onwards and upwards. Experiences such as depression, anxiety, sexual assault, marital problems and substance abuse to name a few are common experiences and delving deeper into these things can help break any toxic cycles people may be stuck in.
Shame makes people want to run away from their issues but the opposite to this is giving yourself compassion. It is through self-compassion that you learn to tackle the stigma surrounding any personal issues and you learn to change the difficult feelings around them. Through learning how to give yourself kindness, you can find a way to unlearn any negative beliefs about yourself that these situations can leave you with. That is why counselling can be a great space for this.
Sometimes guilt can also play a part in stopping people from seeking therapy, as it is a concept that can be quite alien to their parent’s generation, and they have been brought up with a core belief that they should be able to deal with things in a private way at home with their families. However, the lack of emotional support in some families can become a dead end for people dealing with heavy emotions. Then when people do seek help, there may be some guilt that they have gone against their parent’s wishes as they may not understand why they have gone for this route, talking about things with someone unknown. However, it simply comes down to the misunderstandings of what therapy is.
It takes a lot of trust to be able to speak to a therapist and this must be recognised too. Counsellors are professionally trained people who will strive to provide a safe space and listen non- judgmentally and offer a space to unpack heavy topics. Always be proud of standing in your truth and being able to let go of the shame related to experiences and issues that often are not caused by you. Humans are imperfect and this can cause a range of issues that may hurt others or cause misunderstanding, but it can always be overcome with understanding, education about sensitive issues and lots of compassion.