Many unique issues can be faced by South Asians when it comes to relationships and this can cause many challenges within the culture, affecting relationships with family members, and can create shame due to increasing pressures and expectations that create many complex mental pressures impacting individuals. Religion, cultural heritage, generational status, and individual upbringing, can all pose to be factors contributing to these challenges. Some of the common ones can include;
- Cultural expectations versus individual desires
- Intercast relationships
- Gender roles
- Stigma of divorce
- Cultural Expectations versus Individual Desires
In many South Asian cultures, arranged marriages or marriages approved by family members have been preferred over love marriages or cross cultural relationships. Even though we are noticing a shift in individual desires being more accepted amongst the community, we still need to question and raise awareness to the reality that cultural expectations still very much exist and are a driving force within the community. This can affect a person’s autonomy, repressing their wishes and desires as a way to please or uphold traditional values. This can create many complex challenges for the individual and can have a negative impact on mental health.
Cultural practices and rituals may add pressure within relationships, a requirement to incorporate these into the relationship, such as; language use, rituals, food habits, which can lead to conflicts if the partner is from a different background or not wanting to uphold traditional values.
Living in a Western world that attempts to uphold Eastern traditions will inevitably create conflicts within self, within family members, and relationships.
- Intercaste Relationships
South Asians come from diverse cultural and religious backgrounds, including; Sikhism, Hinduism, Islam, Christianity, and more. Whilst caste is not as prominent as it used to be, it still plays a role within many communities and families, and relationships that may be independent within individual beliefs or differential beliefs to caste, can create many stigmas, conflicts and family disapproval.
Individuals may feel pressured to oblige to family wishes and desires, rather than choosing the love they feel is right for them, even if this does involve an intercaste or interracial relationship. This can lead to the onset of depression, anxiety, lonelines and suicide, due to unfulfilled personal wishes due to the needs of family traditions taking priority.
- Gender Roles
Traditional gender roles strongly underpin South Asian communities, where women are often expected to be the caregivers and take on domestic duties and men tend to be the primary breadwinners. Although many women have moved into great positions and heights within their careers and many men are taking on household responsibilities, we are discussing the embedded beliefs and the unconscious behavioural patterns, thoughts and feelings these can create within relationships.
Neurological as well as anatomical differences between men and women exist, with men largely being wired to be more logical and rational and women wired to use more of the emotional aspects of their brain. Although this difference can create equilibrium it can also add layers of intricate sub-issues when mixed with cultural roles.
- Stigma of Divorce
Divorce has been considered taboo and has brought shame to many individuals who have made the decision to do what is best for them, whatever the reason may be. This is becoming more common and the stigma is fading, however it very much still exists and can have an impact on mental health and future relationships.
The negative impact stigma of divorce can mean that many may fear leaving unhealthy and abusive relationships, leaving them to feel trapped due to the repercussions of cultural and familial pressures. This can leave individuals feeling like they need to make a difficult decision either way, to stay unhappy in their relationship, or be unhappy due to the shame surrounding divorce. This can cause many mental health issues such as anxiety, depression and many other conditions. Communication can also be challenging, as partners and families may not be open to this. This causes huge strains on individuals.
South Asians face a variety of challenges in their relationships, shaped by the complexities of balancing tradition and modernity, navigating familial expectations, and addressing issues such as caste, gender roles, and cultural identity.
There are many more challenges that can be explored, however I hope this helps to provide some insight, or to support those who may relate to some of these issues.
If you are experiencing any of these, we encourage you to speak and honour the feelings of your journey!