Manipulation is hidden, secretive, dangerous, and controlling behaviour that negatively influences another person’s life to the benefit of the abuser. This is an abusive trait that often goes unnoticed by many, especially those individuals who have experienced some form of abuse in the past. It is important to bring awareness and to highlight the behaviour in a simplistic way to stop this tactic from negatively impacting people’s lives.
This hidden force can affect everyday life and it can appear within families, friendship, romantic relationships, workplaces, and social media. Manipulation focuses on deception, evoking anxiety, pressure, fear, and emotional control to influence another person’s behaviour for selfish gain. The abuser who is being manipulaitve may be doing this consciously or unconsciously – the important part to remember here is that regardless of whether manipulation is done with mallice, this is still abuse – and abuse is never okay!
At its core, manipulation involves controlling or influencing someone unfairly. A manipulative person often tries to gain power, attention, sympathy, money, or control over another person without being honest about their intentions. Unlike healthy persuasion, manipulation usually relies on hidden motives and emotional tactics, rather than open communication and mutual respect.
Understanding manipulation is important because is can seriously affect emotional well-being, mental health, relationships, and decision-making. Below are some recognised signs of manipulation:
1. Gaslighting – this is one of the most recognised forms of manipulation. Gaslighting occurs when a person attempts to alter your reality and truth of a situation, circumstance, or experience. This can show up by denying facts, twisting events, or questioning a person’s memory and perception. The goal is for the victim to doubt themselves – and over time begin to lose their confidence, self-esteem, and queston their own judgement. The end goal is for the victim to become dependant on the manipulator and to lose trust in self and self-agency.
2. Control / Emotional Coercion – Some may use fear, intimidation, or threatening behaviour to get what they want. Guilt is also used to control others (discussed in the next point). The aim is for the victim to feel a sense of responsbility for the abuser’s emotions and happiness. This erradicates the abuser from taking responsbility over their own lives. Control is also gained through the abuser playing the victim and their emotional reactions becoming the centre of interactions, affecting the other person’s mood.
3. Inducing Guilt – When a person tries to control another by making them feel responsbible, selfish, ungrateful, or ‘bad’ if they do not comply. The victim feels obliged to be responsive, to please, and to protect themselves from being at the receiving end of a negative response or hurtful words. Being passive can become easier than living with the guilt.
4. Passive Aggression – instead of honest communicative behaviour, the individual expresses anger or resentment indirectly. A person may use silence, sarcasm, avoidance, or guilt to influence your emotions, without expressing their true feelings. This creates confusion, guilt, or frustration in the victim.
Below are some common tactics and stages that often show up:
- ‘Love Bombing’
- Testing Boundaries and Emotional Responses
- Gradual Control and Testing Compliance
- Gaslighting / Reality Distortion
- Isolation
- Devaluation
- Intermittent Reinforcement (cycle of reward and punishment)
- Blame Shifting
Manipulation is harmful and can cause mental health struggles such as; Anxiety Disorder or Depression. The victim can live under constant emotional pressure and may feel trapped, fearful, or hopeless. Trust in self and others can be gradually lost and the come-back from such abuse needs work and time. Understanding manipulation is not only important for self-protection, but also for building a society based on empathy, trust, and emotional honesty.